Pillow talk is conventionally seen as an opportunity for spies to obtain secret information. He sees this as a time to go back to who you used to be and figure out what moved you, what fed you, and what you aspired for as a couple. Pillow talk happens in bed. But if you’re uncomfortable with revealing too much, Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want, suggests starting “low and slow.” He says to keep the conversation light in the beginning and then gradually progress as trust and intimacy build in your relationship. That’s why you have to choose appropriate and breezy topics to make the good times last longer. Even so, that prolific 90’s duo pretty much nailed pillow talk without even trying. “The bed is symbolically and literally where you share the most intimate moments,” she explains, “So it makes sense that this space elicits safety and connectedness.” And it’s not just the physical space of the bed that makes pillow talk so special—it’s also the way we are positioned, according to marriage and family therapist Dr. Juliana Morris. Pillow talk often involves disclosing positive sentiments such as validation and affection, but it can also be negative (e.g., arguing or bringing up complaints). Since most pillow talk happens when you’re lying down, relaxed, and cuddling, Bash says it’s common to experience an increase in oxytocin, the bonding love hormone. Talking dirty is strictly used to enhance sexual activity and is often more explicit and sexually charged and exciting. “Pillow talk is an intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation that occurs between two lovers,” explains Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT. After all, life is so busy, some days settling into sleep may be the only alone time you get with your partner. Allen Wagner, LMFT, who specializes in couples and relationships, says these conversations often don’t involve eye contact, which allows you to speak more unconsciously, unaware of the nonverbal cues of your partner. For some people, this type of conversation might occur naturally, but for others, it might be tougher to open up. Researcher Amanda Denes at the University of California, Santa Barbara aimed to address the broad question, “ Is … It could help your relationship. Even though pillow talk can do amazing things for a relationship, it’s also a good idea to have other tools to fan the flame. That’s because it’s the lyrics of a Salt ’n’ Peppa song. Pillow talk is the relaxed, intimate conversation that often occurs between two sexual partners after sexual activity, usually accompanied by cuddling, caresses, kissing and other physical intimacy. “Being able to talk openly and intimately is essential in a good relationship,” says Reeves. All The Ways Coconut Oil Can Benefit Your Skin, The Biggest Revelations from Red Table Talk, How Long It Really Takes to Get Over a Breakup, The Benefits of Using Coconut Oil on Your Hair. Let's say you’ve had a busy day, and there’s a ton on your mind. Some ways to help are to: Also, Bash says that revealing our own insecurities can be a great way to begin. [4] This hormone has been known to increase in the body proceeding sexual activity between two people that have reached the point of orgasm. It’s natural to connect the dots. It is associated with honesty, sexual afterglow, and bonding,[1] and is distinguished from dirty talk which usually forms part of foreplay. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. It also requires a willingness to open up and be vulnerable with each other. [3] A line of research done on pillow talk has revolved around the hormone known as oxytocin; this "bonding hormone" is related to other effects, such as decreasing stress, decreasing perceptions of social threat, increasing bonding, and increasing the ability to read emotional cues. For more stories like this, sign up for our newsletter. Some ways to help are to: touch look into each other’s eyes hug laugh reassure the other person All rights reserved. We have two words for you: pillow talk. 11 Terms used by spies. But if that doesn’t work, here are six other hacks to try. Learn effective ways to relieve stress and anxiety with these 16 simple tips. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io, Pope Francis Publicly Supports Queer Civil Unions, Gift Ideas for the Dad Who Has Everything, Noelle Stevenson Shares Her Coming Out Story, Lenny Kravitz Says He's "Tight" With Jason Momoa, 30 Birthday Wishes to Send to Your Best Friend. “In other words, don’t feel as though you have to reveal your deepest secrets right away,” he says. One of the reasons pillow talk works, he says, is because it allows for more in-depth conversations without self-censorship. It happens when your brain decides that…, Fear of intimacy is a mental health disorder that can lead you to sabotage relationships and isolate yourself. “It can be the bridge between casual sex and falling in love, since our emotional connection is ultimately what makes a couple stay together and feel in love with each other,” she adds. While talking dirty during foreplay and sex can lead to a heightened experience and more intimate time with your partner, it’s not the same thing as pillow talk. But pillow talk doesn’t come naturally for everyone, so we asked the experts to break it down, so we can get closer to the relationship of our dreams. It’s oftentimes an easy conversation about the events of the day or week, in a safe and comfortable space. Then try building on that compliment by mentioning specific sexual behaviors that you like. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that can be. Excess stress is a common problem for many people. “Pillow talk is more emotionally intimate and vulnerable,” explains Wagner. Bash says this type of safe, loving, genuine connection and communication usually occurs in bed or while cuddling. Let’s talk about sex, baby. As hard as it is not to mention, save it for another time. Afterwards, you fall asleep. It also may happen before or after sex with a partner, but sex doesn’t have to be part of the equation. Our editors handpick the products that we feature. Oprah Magazine participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. “Pillow talk ultimately makes both partners feel like they can put their guard down and feel closer, which increases love for each other as well as self-love,” says Bash. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. While not verbal, these little affections are all effective ways to connect and show that you care for one another before you go to sleep. The Profumo affair was a British political scandal that originated with a brief sexual liaison in 1961 between John Profumo, the Secretary of State for War in Harold Macmillan's government, and Christine Keeler, a 19-year-old would-be model. Sound familiar? In espionage, a "honeypot is a trap that uses sex to lure an enemy agent into disclosing classified information"[5] Christine Keeler is said to have used this approach in the Cold War-era Profumo affair. Available online at: Learn how and when to remove this template message, http://people.howstuffworks.com/11-terms-used-by-spies1.htm, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Pillow_talk&oldid=977332869, Articles that may contain original research from October 2012, All articles that may contain original research, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License, A couple's pillow talk session is often used as a, A song and music video Pillow Talking recorded by American rapper, This page was last edited on 8 September 2020, at 07:11. Denes A. Drinking enough water can help you burn fat and increase your energy levels. The short answer is yes, it can. But when there’s less sex, it can be a sign that intimacy is fading from your relationship. We all know that building a connection takes time and effort. You can do a lot of prep work to make the perfect sleep environment. And there’s something about being in bed that can inspire honest conversation between two people. With that in mind, consider these subjects banned from the bed: Ex-lovers, fights, gripes, criticisms and major life decisions. “I teach clients that pillow talk is a throw back to the beginning of the relationship, when you’re falling in love with finding out who the person is, how they think and what they are dreaming about,” says Morris. “Pillow talk can keep the sensual bond with your partner fresh, playful and exciting,” says Reeves.

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